Best Advice I Ever Got

When I was all of 19 years old, I was getting married. Lots of people weighed in on my decision- some welcome, some not. But I had one uncle I was very close to who always said the bold and brave things to me.

He told me to let Tony have sex whenever he wanted it. If I did, I would never have to worry about Tony cheating.

He and my aunt had a great marriage so I took his advice. Best thing I have ever done- other than choosing Tony as my life-long companion.

I have learned a few things over the 28 years that have come and gone.

For one, Tony is not the kind of man to cheat- regardless. Just as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, Tony Ross is a faithful man.

The other thing is that sex is an easy barometer to the overall health of a marriage. Think about it, it is the one thing that sets a marriage relationship apart from any other relationship. You can’t legally or in good conscience pay for it. You can pay for childcare, housekeeping, therapy and so on- but you can’t pay for sex. Now, you can get it for free but then we cross the moral line.

If I don’t want to be intimate with my husband on a regular basis, or vise versa, then something is wrong down deep in my relationship.

Another benefit to this advice was that I was not swayed by the idiotic idea that I should withhold sex from my husband in order to maintain control or manipulate him. This would have done considerable damage to our relationship. Thank God for an Uncle not afraid to talk about sex!

The Best Belongs At Home

So often, we give our best to our boss or our coworkers or our church family and we are so spent when we get home that our family gets the leftovers.

Leftovers are, 9 times out of 10, gross. Nobody wants leftovers, certainly not on a regular basis.

If we want a thriving marriage, then we must give our spouse our best. The world can take the leftovers, not the one who means the most to us.

My Favorite Love Story- Part One

As you know, I love a love story. I believe that every person does, too.

I am often asked what is my favorite book or love story.

The answer is easy- our love story.

Tony and I met in college. It wasn’t love at first sight. As a matter of fact, we crossed paths for months before we were even aware of each other.

The first time Tony saw me, we were in the cafeteria and his best bud- the guy I was dating- pointed me out. Tony was interested in my roommate. She was more his type, short and fleshy with dark coloring. I was 5’4″ and weighed in at 105 lbs, no curves just long an lean. Dark blonde hair with green eyes. Not what he normally dated.

Before Tony I could count the guys I dated that were shorter than six foot on one finger. His best bud was 6’4″. The first time I really noticed Tony was while on a date with the best bud. A group of us had gone to the West End in downtown Dallas. I wound up walking behind him and thought, “Wow, he has a nice backside.” And he did. As a college athlete planning to return to Turkey and play pro soccer, he worked out about 8 hours a day.

We became more aware of each other. One night the team had come back from an away soccer game and we were all hanging out in the co-ed. A remark was made that someone had taken Tony’s shirt from the locker room. I asked him where it would have gone and he said he had no idea. I have no idea what possessed me, but I hooked my finger in the neck of his jacket and pulled it out. Looking down at his bare chest took my breath away. He had the biggest set of pecs I had ever laid my eyes on. I am certain I blushed. I began to look at Tony in a different way.

If you are wondering about the best bud, we were never serious. He and I had no business together- we were both way too self-involved. He would one day be the best man at our wedding.

A few weeks later, Tony and I went on our first date. Dancing at Billy Bob’s Texas, and it was life changing.

I am not joking and I am not being overly dramatic.

We may not have been love at first sight, but that date? That was it. Being with Tony was like soaking in a hot tub. I was at ease for the first time in my life. Wrapped in his arms, I never wanted to be anywhere else.

Tony says he knew then that he was going to marry me.

But, that is not where the story ends. I broke up with him a few weeks later. But that is a story for another day.

Celebration Day! 27 Years Strong

tony holly state park 2 2018

Today is our Anniversary!  27 years ago I made the best decision of my life!

As I sit here and think about what had transpired over these years, I am in awe.

There is a phrase I like to use about Tony when people are talking about marriage and so forth-

“Just as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, Tony Ross is a faithful man.”

It is the plain truth.  A few months ago, I was on my balcony watching the sunrise and reflecting on the past two years (this has been the most difficult season of life we have ever walked) and I said to God, “Just as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, you are a faithful God.”  It struck me then, I see God better because of the way my husband loves me.  THIS is what marriage was meant to be.

Big romantic gestures, long strings of words expressing his undying love are not his style.  He speaks love by his day in and day out small acts of kindness, grace, and faithfulness to me.

There have been those that have said Tony was too laid back for them or too boring. But here’s the thing- when the proverbial sh@# hits the fan- I don’t have to wonder where he is or what he will do.  I know- he will be by my side, leading the way, and telling me that it will all be okay.  Life is “exciting” enough, I’ll take a Mr. Steady over Mr. Excitement any day.

There are not adequate words to express what he means to me, to describe what 27 years of being one means, but I don’t want this day to go by without telling you how GRATEFUL I am at being Mrs. Tony Ross for 27 years!

Blessed Are The Problem Solvers

Nothing wears me out faster than someone who constantly talks about a problem and then finds flaws with every option presented to fix said problem.  I have no patience for this- at all.  So often, we can find ourselves doing this to our spouse.  We voice a problem and then shoot down every idea or solution presented by the other side.

Eventually this evolves into an adversarial type of relationship and this will spell doom for a marriage.  Perhaps the couple does stay together until death do us part, but there is a lot more to a healthy marriage than just living under the same roof.

If we are to live together in peace- we must choose peace.

We must choose to be problem solvers.

Solving problems brings peace.

Instead of looking at your husband as someone to be conquered, bested, and put in his place- you need to look at him as your ally in this game of life.  Life brings many battles and many challenges- we need an ally.  This doesn’t happen over-night, but if you will choose to see your spouse as your ally and choose the path of peace instead of quarreling and bickering- your home will be a much happier place.

 

Mathew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they should be called the sons of God.

 

eirénopoios: peacemaking, a peacemaker

Original Word: εἰρηνοποιός, όν
Part of Speech: Adjective
Transliteration: eirénopoios
Phonetic Spelling: (i-ray-nop-oy-os’)
Short Definition: pacific, loving peace, a peace-maker
Definition: pacific, loving peace, a peace-maker.

 

So, when a problem presents itself- don’t choose sides.  Choose to work with your spouse and find a solution that is good for all involved.  Then you will be peace makers and others looking on will know there is a God when they see peace reigning in your home.

 

Which One Will You Be?

roses and herbsProverbs 14:1

The wise woman builds her house,

    but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

 

This has been a scripture that has been woven into my mind for many years.  I’ll admit that in the beginning of my marriage I was very foolish.  I talked before I thought, I got angry too fast and I held on to things that were not worth my time.  Then I discovered the truth-

The difference between a wise woman and a foolish woman is that the wise woman knows what to hold on to and what to let go of.